Conflict in the workplace: having good conflict conversations to increase productivity and well-being

Effects of conflict conversations

There are many reasons for this, because wherever people work together, misunderstandings, differing expectations and mistakes can occur that trigger a conflict between two or more people. As this disrupts the team structure and co-operation, a conflict should not be silently accepted. People often try to avoid escalating the conflict by remaining silent and preserving harmony instead of simply holding conflict discussions. Unfortunately, avoiding the necessary confrontation with the situation that has arisen or differing opinions leads to a loss of trust and solidarity in the long term and therefore to hardened fronts or an even greater conflict.

The drama of a conflict in a team is particularly evident in the economic consequences and personal impact on people. According toone study, as many as 25% of the people surveyed were experiencing conflict at work at the time of the survey. The main effects described by the respondents were

• Fear of going to work, 
• overwhelm, 
• hopelessness 

and also physical symptoms such as 

• headaches and stomach aches, 
• increased appetite or loss of appetite, 
• high blood pressure and sleep disorders, 
• to panic attacks and increased burn-out risk. 

On a business level, consequential costs can be calculated due to, among other things 

• poorer team results, 
• disturbed operational processes, 
• increased fluctuation and sick leave,
• and a bad mood, which can spread from the affected group of people to larger areas,

 observe. 

Every single one of these consequences of conflict should be worth addressing at an early stage through conflict conversations - in reality, to make matters worse, these consequences seldom occur alone, but rather accumulate into a complex of problems. With 25% of employees affected, this results in a considerable burden that adds up to massive follow-up costs. 

Therefore, we would like to support you with the following tips for a good conflict conversation in order to avoid or end these effects on your team. With a well-planned conflict discussion and a win-win solution, the motivation of the conflict participants can often be increased even beyond the previous level, since the participants feel taken seriously and the solution contributes to improved working conditions.

Is there a general approach to resolving disputes?

The simple answer is: no, unfortunately not. Because there are many different types, conditions and backgrounds that can lead to critical situations. Let's look at just one aspect of many:

The role of the manager: part of the conflict or mediating role

Whether you as a manager are part of the conflict in the resolution process or not has a serious impact on how you can resolve the conflict yourself. A classic two-way conflict in day-to-day management can be, for example, poor performance or certain employee misbehaviour. This conflict can generally be resolved very well through well-prepared and conducted 1:1 conflict discussions. In another case, part of the team could be in conflict with the manager, triggered for example by unfortunate communication or a management style that is unsuitable for the employees. The manager will find it difficult to resolve this conflict on their own, as they are personally involved and the reasons and drivers of the conflict are less easy to disclose. This is easier for a neutral person who is involved in conflict discussions as a mediator. The third possibility is that a conflict arises within the team that is independent of the manager. In this case, the manager can take on the neutral mediating role, but there is a risk that, as part of the system, he or she will become a party to the conflict as a result of this ‘interference’. It is therefore recommended that a mediator be brought in as an external, neutral third party in the case of larger, entrenched conflicts.

What are the conflict types in disputes?

When you walk into the room and things are literally flying, you immediately realise that there is a conflict. However, there are also conflicts that are not recognisable at first glance, as they bubble under the surface and work quietly and silently. A distinction is made between hot and cold conflicts. Open hot conflicts are easily recognisable and therefore easier to handle and resolve. The issue and the parties involved are open and can be directly involved in the conflict discussions. Cold conflicts are more difficult because they can only be recognised by looking and listening carefully. Destructive behaviour, blockages and minimised, formal contact between team members are often noticeable. If these behaviours are noticed, the first step is to find out who is involved and what the history of the conflict is. It is important to know the history of the conflict in order to resolve it, as cold conflicts are often the result of unsatisfactorily resolved hot conflicts. Many unpleasant feelings and stressful situations have built up over the course of the conflict. In order to be able to enter into conflict resolution at all, this conflict must first be openly named. Only then can conflict discussions take place.

Conducting conflict discussions - with a good feeling, systematic approach and solution-orientation

We can see that in many cases the manager can resolve the conflict well on their own or with meditative support. Conflict discussions can be a challenge, but with the right preparation, a systematic approach and empathetic communication, they end up being a win-win situation for everyone involved.

We have summarised a few tips that will give youconfidence in conducting the conversation and reliably initiate the resolution process:

Preparation

• Before the conversation, think about what you want to achieve with the conversation, what observations you have made, what you want to pay attention to and what annoys or unsettles you.
• Thinking about your own expectations and possible compromises in conflict resolution beforehand helps to explore your own boundaries. This solution-oriented thinking gives you confidence in the conflict conversation and facilitates finding a solution quickly with fewer iterations. 
• Be attuned to the possible reactions and emotions of your counterpart. You may encounter any emotion from relief to rejection and anger. It helps to imagine these possible reactions in advance so you can respond appropriately and empathically. 

Approach

• A good way to structure conflict conversations and get into a constructive dialogue is the so-called "SAG ES" method.

             S as in: describe the facts 
                   "I noticed that..."
             A as in: Describe impact 
                   "To me, this means..."
             G like: Name feelings 
                   "It makes me feel..."
             E like: Asking how he/she sees the situation 
                   "What is your view of it? How did it come about?"
             S as in: find conclusion 
                   "For the future, I wish for ... / What do you wish for?"

Communication

• First and foremost, successful communication always involves listening carefully and actively; by doing so, you signal to your interlocutor your intention to resolve the conflict in your mutual interest. If something seems unclear to you, dig deeper to understand the exact circumstances and needs, and repeat what you have understood in your own words. In order to understand your conflict partner, try to put yourself in his:her situation and point of view by changing your perspective. Ask specifically about expectations of you and of conflict resolution, as well as current needs.
• Pay special attention to your own words and reactions by consciously speaking in the first person and describing how you experience the situation. Avoid destructive approaches such as accusations and attacks, but describe your feelings, wishes and needs to facilitate finding a solution on both sides. Last but not least, apologize without justifications during conflict conversations when you learn that you have put someone in an unpleasant situation.

Conflict Resolution

• Since you initiated the conversation, you could accommodate your:m conflict partner:in and first express their possible solution proposals - i.e., offers of compromise. This can speed up the process of conflict resolution, as the other person gains confidence in your intentions and has more time to sort out their own thoughts on compromise solutions. 
• The conclusion of the conversation should always consist of making concrete agreements, because the goal of the conversation is to find a common solution and should never be exclusively an exchange about causes and what happened. In fact, conversations without a satisfactory outcome often result in the cold conflicts described above.

Increase well-being and productivity through conflict discussions

Preventing conflicts, however, is more resource-efficient than going through the emotionally exhausting and time-consuming conflict resolution process afterwards. When human relationships falter, the impact on effective teamwork is immense; accordingly, conflict prevention is an important leadership task to avoid this spiral. 

Investing in prevention, for example through relationship management, appreciative and empathetic communication, and a good flow of information, not only pays off in avoiding conflict, but also improves collaboration and thus the performance of the team as a whole.

Conclusion: See conflict discussions as an opportunity

Investing time, dialogue and attention in prevention and conflict resolution is therefore worthwhile. If you use the techniques described above, it is not that difficult to resolve even seemingly unsolvable conflicts satisfactorily. And if in doubt, you can always call in a mediator.

It all depends on the perspective: Well-managed conflict discussions show where change is needed and help everyone involved to develop personally. In this way, a conflict that has been overcome can actually be seen as a win-win situation. A practised, open culture of dialogue has the same effect, avoiding actual conflicts.

Would you like to delve deeper into this topic or prepare your managers for difficult conflict discussions? Then we can recommend our communication training programme "Employee appraisals - further development through appreciation ’. Our experts will show you how to approach annual appraisals, salary negotiations, disciplinary meetings or even meetings to recognise special achievements. You will learn how to convey your personal message in a targeted manner, strike the right tone, find the right words and react appropriately and sensitively to emotions.